DD's friend

[Bama]

One of DD's friends had a baby yesterday. DD went to her baby shower weekend before last and had forgotten to tell me about it in time to buy (or sew) a nice gift. An hour and a half before the shower I was digging through my fabric stash and helped DD whip up half a dozen burp cloths using pre-folded cloth diapers, Winnie the Pooh fabric, and ribbon trim. It wasn't much but her friend loved them and has called DD several times asking about how we made them. Her grandmother gave her money and told her to buy something only for herself, and now she wants a sewing machine.
Her baby came 3 weeks early and has multiple abnormalities. She called DD today and said the baby was diagnosed with Trisomy 13. From what I've looked up, the poor little guy doesn't have much of a chance. His intestines are outside of his body. He has several other severe deformities plus a heart defect. They had no idea anything was wrong with him while she was pregnant. I don't understand it. You would think some of it would have shown up on a sonogram. I know she had at least one.
DD is very upset and wants to go to the hospital Saturday. She has several tests this week and can't make the trip home before then. She asked me to buy a gift for her friend for her before Saturday, but I have no idea what to get. She said no flowers. I'm wondering if DD should take anything at all, but rather just go to see her friend. Suggestions?

[lendube]

How horrible! I can't imagine. I also can't imagine that it was all a surprise. I guess I'd take a plant. Something easy that needs little care. And just be there. I don't imagine the little guy will make it home. So sad.

[bridesmom]

Oh my gosh, how terribly sad. I can't even begin to imagine what that poor girl is going through. I wonder if the sonogram was so early that they just didn't catch it. And if she's younger than 35 I don't think they normally do the marker testing on moms. The poor kid. Hopefully she has family to support her through all of this. My only thought for a gift is something for her alone, like a manicure, or massage, a hair stylist appointment even if just for a shampoo and style or spa treatment. If the little guy makes it, she's going to need something to keep her going too. It may be a bit more than what you are thinking about putting out for a gift but how do you buy something for the little one when his chances are so poor? What happens with medical expenses in a case like that? Maybe starting a savings account for him to help with medical expenses? I'm just tossing out ideas.

[Mom of Six]

I Have a great nephew who was born with his intestines on the outside. He is now almost 14 & lives a normal life. I will pray it works out for him also. That is such a hard thing to go through.

[Bama]

This girl is 19. She was living with her boyfriend, but he broke up with her shortly after finding out she was pregnant. She moved back in with her mother. I imagine she's probably on medicaid. Maybe she didn't have more than the one sonogram. I saw a picture of her sonogram on her FB page and she couldn't have been very far along, but still. They told her it was going to be a boy. You would think they would have noticed he had some kind of growth on his stomach and too many fingers.

I think I will talk to DD and tell her we should wait and see what's going to happen before she gives her a gift and just go visit her. Maybe a card would be better for now?

[sewingmom]

Lori, how about and inspirational book or a book of poetry for right now and maybe some freash fruit or some candy. You know, early in development the bowell is on the outside of the abdomen I think up to 16 weeks if my memory serves me correctly. In my ultrasound career I have picked up many problems in babies but I have missed some. I am so sorry for this young mother. It sounds like a long road for her and the child if the child survives.

[PaulineG]

It's possible that something for the baby (regardless of his chances) will make a confident sort of statement that might comfort the mum. My father once bought a fishing reel for an 80 yo guy who was in hospital supposedly dying and he went on and lived 5 years. Just a thought.

[MartySews2]

Lori, they were talking on the news this past week that Trisomy 13 is the genetic birth defect that Rick Santorum's (presidential candidate) 3yr old daughter has. The little guy might have a chance but may need special care. I would make something bright & cheerful for the mom & a small quilt for the baby whether he survives or not. This mom is going to need all of the help that she can get. It is bittersweet to have a baby at such a young age. I'm glad that her mother is being supportive as I know so many who families have turned their backs on young mothers when this type of thing has happened. Remember, Lori, God has a plan for this young child's life & that of his mother. Visits are good for the mom & be encouraging about the baby.
Marty

[HeyJudee]

Sorry to hear about your DD's friend & baby. Sending good thoughts their way.

[Jeke]

I am sorry for this young mother. Prayers for her and for your daughter that she may know what kind of comfort is best.