Aaarrrggghhh!!!

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Aaarrrggghhh!!!

New postby MartySews2 on Thu Aug 23, 2012 9:43 pm

Just when I thought we had everything settled for Friend #2, we find out that the FAFSA form has errors & she is missing a Title IV-E authorization form. She called me in tears about 5pm as tomorrow is the last day to get her tuition paid wondering what to do. She told me to call her dad as he had told her that everything was handled. He is an attorney. Anyway, I called him & he called me back mad as a hornet saying that he was sick & tired of his estranged wife & daughter blaming him for everything. He said that they could go to "xxxx" as far as he was concerned. He blamed the mother for the problems. Then the mother called me all upset & yelling that her daughter should never have come to us. She blamed the father for all of this. Anyway, I calmed the mother down & we have made plans to go to the financial aid office in the morning & we will see a friend of mine who works there. I called him & he said that we will get it all straightened out & Friend #2 should plan to attend her classes as scheduled. I spent most of today contacting people that I know who will donate funds to get a computer for her. We have almost enough money to buy her a small laptop. She can do her schoolwork at our house since we have wi-fi or in the school library. I even contacted a friend about getting her a part-time job which will work around her classes. I am so tired of these parents who refuse to be parents to their children. Hubby said that we will help her graduate college so she can build a good life for herself.
Marty ;)
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Re: Aaarrrggghhh!!!

New postby sewingmom on Thu Aug 23, 2012 11:48 pm

Marty, I hope you are not neglecting your health. I know it is your calling in life to rescue those in need and you have been so much to many of us at your expense both financially and physically. None of us want to see you undermine your health. I am sure you you will reap many rewards in heaven for your selfless acts of kindness. I hope all goes well with the paperwork tomorrow.
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Re: Aaarrrggghhh!!!

New postby MartySews2 on Fri Aug 24, 2012 1:12 am

Please pray that the mother does not go off on her daughter. Friend #2 is barely 21 & feels like a failure when she has to ask for help. I'm glad that she came to us for help & that we have the means to help her. We are purchasing her a computer tomorrow after we get the school stuff settled. Monday, I'm taking Friend #1 to get her lease agreement signed & make sure that the repairs are done on a timely basis & then we're going to buy appliances. Right now, I just want to sleep but my thoughts wil not shut down. Guess I need to go talk to The Shepherd.
Marty ;)
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Re: Aaarrrggghhh!!!

New postby sewingmom on Fri Aug 24, 2012 8:40 am

Talking to the Shepherd is always better than counting sheep. I will pray that the mother keeps a low profile and that you will all have the wisdom to guide this little lamb in the correct dirrrectioon.
Marty, on another note, could you tell me what her school recommends in the way of a computer for school.
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Re: Aaarrrggghhh!!!

New postby MartySews2 on Fri Aug 24, 2012 7:42 pm

Today, I spent all day from 10am until 7pm with her & her mother driving from one place to another to get the documents needed. I had to referee the daughter & her father because he refused to give her a copy of the 2011 tax forms that are needed to fix the FAFSA forms. I had to referee her & her mom when they started bickering over things that cannot be changed. As much as the mother was capable (alcohol brain), she helped. We finally found the 2011 Tax Forms & took them to the school but it was too late to make a change on her FAFSA forms today. I do know someone in Financial Aid who said that he would take care of it & she should start her classes as scheduled on Monday even though her financial aid has not been approved. There will be $100 late fee but financial aid should cover it. Then, we took her mom home. Afterwards, Hubby & I took her this afternoon to buy school supplies & a new laptop computer (must have a PC) plus word, power point, excel & one note software. We got a good deal at Office Depot on a laptop for $299.99 marked down $100. Talking with my minister & a few select church members, they have raised $300 to cover the cost of the computer. Joe & I will cover the cost of all of her other school supplies & the software plus her text books. Someone has to do it & her father refuses & the mother doesn't have the money. The father is an attorney. After shopping, she asked me to take her to Target so she could apply for a job to work around her school schedule. Tomorrow, after my exercise session, we're going to go job hunting again. She really wants a job & wants me to help teach her to become independent. Hubby cooked dinner tonight so I could rest. I am extremely tired. I wish these parents would put aside their petty bickering while blaming one another & put their daughter first. She needs her parents more than ever now.
Marty ;)
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New postby bridesmom on Sat Aug 25, 2012 6:07 pm

I hate what divorce does to families! Marty, you are such a blessing. I probably would have told the dad to go jump off a bridge (not exactly what I'd like to say, but I don't want to get banned). These parents are going to regret their actions in time.
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Re: Aaarrrggghhh!!!

New postby MartySews2 on Sat Aug 25, 2012 7:49 pm

Laura, this couple has been separated for over 2yrs but have not divorced at the request of their daughter. They would probably be better off if they did. The house & the vehicles plus everything else are all in the dad's name but he moved out. The mother works a few days a week at the Humane Society but doesn't earn enough to support herself much less her daughter. She keeps bringing animals home & they get more attention than her daughter does. The father was most annoyed as they kept calling him & texting him while he was in court. He kept blaming the mom & then the daughter for not keeping up with the paperwork. When we took the mom home, I helped the daughter search & we found the documents that mom said that she never received stuck in her daughter's school folder instead of the tax folder. I think alcohol has fried the mom's brain plus the drugs that she took before her child was born. Hubby wants to fix up our daughter's bedroom so Friend #2 can move in with us. However, in watching her interaction with her mom yesterday, I don't think that she will leave her mom until she graduates college & has a place of her own. She's a junior majoring in Early Childhood Education (Pre-K to 3rd grade).

On top of that stressful day, I was asleep when I got a call at 1:25am from my daughter who was at a bar with some friends. Another friend was too drunk to drive so she told me that she had driven the girl to Friend #2's home in the girl's truck & needed me to come pick her up & take her to get her car. So off I go in robe & slippers to pick up my daughter & take her back to the bar where she met up with Friend #2 who was waiting for her & not ready to go home. Fortunately, Friend #2 doesn't live too far away so it took about 20 minutes total time. However, at 5am, Friend #3 calls to ask where is her truck & keys. I told her the truck was in the driveway & Friend #2 had her keys. She was so drunk that she didn't realize that Friend #2 was in the same bed with her. I think these girls are going to drive me crazy ... After that, I took a sleeping pill but had to get up at 9am so didn't get much rest last night. Today, I felt too bad to exercise so I have stayed at home resting & doing laundry & other household tasks. My daughter slept until 2pm & then got up, ate, & then went to lifeguard at a child's birthday party. Grrr ... I could have used some help but my daughter doesn't like to do housework & refuses to do any.
Marty ;)
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Re: Aaarrrggghhh!!!

New postby kaitlinnegan on Sat Aug 25, 2012 8:47 pm

Marty, that's what taxicabs are for, not mothers.
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Re: Aaarrrggghhh!!!

New postby MartySews2 on Sat Aug 25, 2012 10:09 pm

We've always told our daughter that she can call us without repercussions if she needs us when she is out. I told her that she should have sent Friend #3 to her home in a taxi & let the girl's mother deal with her & pick up her truck the next day. But, once again, this is another dysfunctional family which is why the girl gets drunk. It wouldn't have bothered me very much except I was so exhausted from dealing with Friend #2 & her alcoholic parents all day that I really needed a good night's sleep. Maybe I'll get that tonight. At least, I hope so. Hubby & I believe that we are doing the right thing in helping these girls.
Marty ;)
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Re: Aaarrrggghhh!!!

New postby missfleecy on Sun Aug 26, 2012 9:12 am

There is a fine line between helping and enabling. Helping is doing something for someone that they are unable to do for themselves. Enabling is doing things for someone that they can and should be doing for themselves. When someone is able to avoid the responsibilities of being an adult because someone else is doing those things for them, they are being enabled, not helped. The "help" provided to those lacking the motivation and determination to stand on their own two feet eventually becomes a long-term expectation and outright demand.

For your daughter to know that if she is unable to find a way home in a dangerous situation and that you will help her is one thing, but for her to expect you to give her a ride back to the bar from a friend's house at 1:30 AM is another thing entirely. If she is adult enough to pay for her own booze, she is adult enough to pay for her own damn taxi if she chooses to run a vehicle delivery service!

The difficult part is redirecting the "helping" efforts, allowing people to recognize and accept the responsibilities and consequences of their own choices, rather than enabling the continuance of unacceptable behaviors to the detriment of everyone involved. Tough love! Creating positive change in someone being "helped" will not only have a positive impact on them but on you as well.

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