trip to the beach with4 adolescents

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trip to the beach with4 adolescents

New postby sewingmom on Mon Jun 11, 2012 4:58 am

:brick: :brick: :brick: :brick: :brick: I need to get that sign off my back. Help! You know. The one that says kick me!!!!!!!!!!!
I have not come so close to commiting child abuse as I came this week. In the old days we would have called it discipline and grandparents were welcomed to do it as well as parents.
It started like this. I had Chloe to keep for a week, after the wedding. Chloe wanted to go to the beach so I thought I'd enjoy that so arrangments were made. I began to worry about what I'd do if Chloe got in trouble swimming the ocean where no lifeguard is. I invited DGS to go. He is 15yrs old, Chloe is 11yrs. old. Then DS called and asked if brides DS could go also. He is 13 yrs old. I got a little anxious that I couldn't handle the 3 of them my self so I invited the middle DGD. She is 17 yrs. old. :brick: :brick: :brick: :brick: . I do not know what possessed me. It appeared that she and I were getting along though we havn't since she was 12 yrs old. Day 1 was ok. It was spent packing and driving to within a couple of hours of Panama City Beach. Next day we reached Panama City and I planned to let them go to a water park as a treat. ( This was a low budget trip, and our lodging was free). 17 yr old didn't want to stand in the lines and vetoed the Idea. She had said earlier that she needed a nerve pill :roll: . She saw a mall and wanted to stop and shop. I vetoed that. The two younger ones still wanted adventure so we settled on a gocart ride for everyone. 17 yr old declined but we didn't have to wait on the others long before we were back on the road to our lodging. It was a little house across the road from a vacant lot and the beach. The rules were; bring our own linins and leave the house tidy. It was a bad choice of places to take obnoxious children with no upbringing. 13 yr old used the house owners towells and placed them back in the stack "unclean and damp" with the clean towells. They would 'nt reuse a towell from one trip to the beach or from one shower to the next and they took up to 4 showers a day. I had to stay on them about cleaning off their feet before entering the house. 17 yr old had made the grocery list and helped pack the food that we scarffed from my house before leaving home. Our car was packed to the gills so we opted to get groceries the morning after arriving. We had agreed that we would make do with the food we had packed for 1st nights suppper though it was scrappy. 17 yr old ended up storming out of the house on foot in search of something to eat that suited her. 15 yr old decided he needed to go with her. I wondered whether to call the police or go out and search for them but opted to sit tight a little while. I discovered 11 yr old going outside to talk on the phone so I would not hear her. She was in touch with 17 yr old and when I confronted her, told me They had found a sub shop, over 2 hours later they arrived back at the house and were sitting out side eating their purchase. When I went outside to speak to them they told me, I didn't even care enough to call and make sure thay were OK. :twisted: I Made some remark about them storming off and being rude and they said that I was rude for asking Amanda to taste the laughing cow cheese that I was going to substitute for Mayo in the tuna salade since she had left out the Mayo. She was the one that didn't want to get groceries that evening. The weekend got worse and even my dear Chloe was in the thick of the obnoxious behavior. I would have come on home but I kept thinking things were going to get better and we were also supposed to spend a couple of days with my aunt and uncle on the way home at the end of the week. Now I have to face my oldest son and DIL who always support the childrens story instead of mine and I am the villin. :doh: I knew better!! I have already talked to Chloe's Dad who will pick her up this evening. I am going to get a discipline point because I will call in sick for work rather than allow 11 yr old and 13 yr old to go back to their cousin's house today. I also want to have face to face contact with DS when he picks up their children. I am glad I got to talk to him first. The older childrens father had left a message on the younger childerens parents phone, wanting him to call. I am worried about what the older ones concocted to get their parents in their camp to be angry with me. I did get angry and called them all Brats and threw away the breakfast I had prepared on the last morning there ( it wasn't breakfast food according to the older 2 who refused to eat it so the younger 2 quit eating it.) and they did have to wiat till I could stop somewhere so the could go in and us their money to buy their own food. That put them around 1:30 pm eating their 1st meal. I had to do all the cleaning and tidying up of the house without help from them. They sat in a bedroom commisurating over how mean I am. :shame: I have cried and am having to try very hard not to vow never to take any of them any where again and not to ever do anything for them again. My Dad would have spanked me so hard I couldn't sit for a week, If I disrespected anyone like that. I thank God for parents that raised me to honor my parents and my grandparents and to be polite and greateful and considerate of other peoples posessions. There was more to tell but I have typed way to much. I wish this could be fixed but it can't.
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Re: trip to the beach with4 adolescents

New postby kjh9835 on Mon Jun 11, 2012 7:40 am

Just breathe, in and out. I feel for you. I deal with teen drama almost daily and this past weekend's story is longer than yours. "This too shall pass". I believe I would have packed them all up, dropped them off respectively at "home" except for the youngest who you originally were keeping. Then I'd let her pick something to do and do it happily.

I love kids but there's no way I could have done that without blowing up and packing up. THATS IT WE'RE DONE AND LEAVING NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have no words of wisdom. Today is another day. Get up cup of tea (or vodka...lol), find a spot and stay there.
(((HUGS)))

Kathy
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Re: trip to the beach with4 adolescents

New postby DorothyL on Mon Jun 11, 2012 10:00 am

I don't suppose this is the time to say "better you than me" is it?
Teenagers are so much fun.
Every thing will work out, you know. At least you didn't kill any of them so all's good.

Dorothy
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Re: trip to the beach with4 adolescents

New postby sewhappyrtr on Mon Jun 11, 2012 10:22 am

Awwww.. I am so sorry your planned trip turned out to be the week of H.....LLL :o
I agree with Kathy.. I would have taken them home and dropped them off.. and said.. that's it I am done!!! and then taken Chloe for a fun time!!!

This too shall pass!!
Karen
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Re: trip to the beach with4 adolescents

New postby Bama on Mon Jun 11, 2012 10:52 am

((((Hugs)))). That stressed me out just reading about it. ;) I'm glad my kids are past the teenage years.
And I agree, this too shall pass. Some day all of those kids will regret the way they behaved while you tried to do something nice for them.
I'm creative. You can't expect me to be neat too.
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Re: trip to the beach with4 adolescents

New postby MartySews2 on Mon Jun 11, 2012 4:37 pm

SM, I totally agree with Kathy & would have taken all of them home immediately to their parents. I would then have had a chat with Chloe & tell her that you cannot take her to the beach because she cannot be trusted to behave herself. I believe that she was copying the older ones' behaviors. I would write each of them & let them know that there will not be any more trips with you because they cannot behave themselves or respect other people's property. It's a shame that the beach vacation ended up being a nightmare. (((HUGS)))
Marty ;)
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Re: trip to the beach with4 adolescents

New postby bridesmom on Mon Jun 11, 2012 6:25 pm

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Laura
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Re: trip to the beach with4 adolescents

New postby Mule on Mon Jun 11, 2012 8:31 pm

Oh, that sounds like a painful trip! I definitely would have packed them all up and taken them to their homes as soon as the bad behavior began (except for Chloe, since she was staying with you).

I'm surprised their parents would side with them, against you. That may be the root of some of their problems -- it sounds like they're not held accountable for their bad behavior. They're allowed to make excuses to justify it. Sadly you can't really change that, but what you can do is make sure you're never in that position again!! Spend time only with those who respect you and treat you properly!

Sorry you had such an awful experience...
Beth
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Re: trip to the beach with4 adolescents

New postby sewingmom on Tue Jun 12, 2012 6:55 am

Thanks again for the advice and encouragment. I know I did not make the best choice of words with the grandchildren, in that I did not walk on egg shells and choose my words extremely carefully. I would make some different choices if given a second chance with the kids but not a lot. Oh i wish I could undo everything. I'd just go off with Chloe alone. All is still a mess. Oldest DS said both of his children corroborated each other's stories, saying that I was verbaly abussive and that they begged me to take them home. Truthly the only one that said anything about going home was the 13 yr old and he just wanted to visit his Dad who works full time and would not have been home. He wanted me to drive back nearly 300 miles because he didn't like my rules. He didn't beg he just asked and I said no. I do not know the history between the childs mom and Dad and from what I do know the father doesn't even want to spend time with him Youngest DS and new wife had the perspective that the kids didn't like the controlled environment and that they all exagerated and fed on each others dislike of my managment style. They also said that their two, were bratts and sneaky and that they need rules that are enforced. They are not unhappy with me at all. They did say that they were going to encourage the kids to look at the parts of the trip that they enjoyed and there were things each day that they enjoyed. I think I like this new bride better each day. My oldest DS lives across the street from us. We are in an area that I have wanted to move away from for several years. Now I have one more reason to move. Dear Chloe's mom talked to me also and said that I had always been a good grandmother and that she was going to talk to Chloe and show her how she should have handled herself. I have always loved that girl and was so very sad when she and DS divorced. But life moves on. I have the phone # for an appartment manager to see if he has any openings or might have in the near future. I think it is time for a change and I would love a break from looking at oldest dear sons run down unkept property.
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Re: trip to the beach with4 adolescents

New postby sewingmom on Wed Jun 13, 2012 9:59 pm

Beth, thank you for the advice. I know I didn't choose every word I said wisley. I will write them a letter in a few weeks and write each one a letter of regret. I know I did not cause the problem but I should have been able to controll my frustration, choosing my words better, and remember the goodness of God and just love the kids through their troubles. I could have taken them home or ask the boys to call their dad to come and get them. I grew up in a very authauratarian (spelling)home and have not abandoned those roots. I did not know how to handle the rebellious teanager when my son's were growing up and now :cry: .
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